Motherhood – We Aren’t Supposed To Be Doing It Alone
We’re not meant to do it alone
I’ve been working on this concept, idea, raw epiphany. That we aren’t meant to do it alone.
Now my perspective, as a mother, woman, will be from this perspective, so to the men or non-mothers, I invite you to find how this is also true for you. But for my authenticity I will write from what I know intrinsically, as a walking human mother on this planet, alongside so so so many other beautiful, gorgeous, struggling, overwhelmed and tired mothers.
We’re not meant to do this alone.
If we look back at the human race, and sincerely our survival on this planet as a species, we survived because we did it, this thing called life, in tribes, groups, communities.
And more specifically, mothers/women lived communally and inso doing, we raised our children TOGETHER.
Here is where we have been doing it alone for far too many decades.
I don’t think we are meant to be:
- In separate homes
- Within four walls
- Like mini family biomes.
And each mother in her singular, separate biome is:
- Teaching her children
- Rearing her children
- Caring for pets if there are any
- or coping with the burden or guilt of not giving their children pets
And when you really explore these seemingly simple undertakings, they really mean:
- Supporting their children’s mental health and wellbeing
- in a ever surmounting tide of social pressures that aren’t getting better as we evolve as
- a species but actually more consuming, more dangerous, more elusive, more detrimental
- Helping our children if they have a delay or disability
- Attending school meetings, minimally or majorly as volunteers
- Performing as Taxi drivers/Chauffeurs
- Managing extracurricular activities: sports, music lessons, tutoring,
- Coordinating Social lives of the children: playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties (hosting and attending)
- Acting as Wives (if applicable)
- Collaborating as Co-parents (if applicable)
- Grocery shopping
Completing life maintenance errands like:
- car maintenance (if applicable), gas, post office, dry cleaning, acquiring clothing, sports
- accessories and all necessary supplies for the extracurricular activities or social life
- commitments and happenings
- Teaching our children time management skills, feelings management, mindfulness, healthy eating, responsibility, accountability,
- Helping with homework
- Teaching our children physical aptitude like traditions dn non-traditional sports
- tossing a ball, basketball dribbling, soccer dribbles, skiing, ice skating, building a
- snowman, bicycle riding, card games, puzzles, mazes.
Teaching our children the arts:
- Drawing, painting, sketching, coloring, making slime, playing with clay or play doh.
Teaching our children skills in the kitchen:
- baking, cooking, cutting, food prep…
Develop a sense of spirituality within our child.
Let alone bigger, deeper, ginormous topics like how to help our children and their generation evolve above and beyond present day social norms that are deteriorating their individual senses of self such as
Teaching our daughters how to be confident beautiful beings with boundaries and esteem in a culture that prioritizes and values paternalistic sexuality above feminine sensuality,
Teaching our sons healthy strength, in a world that values aggression and defiance as the best way to individuate as masculine
See, I don’t know about you but what I’m sure of is that…
It’s impossible and not humanistic that any of us do ALL these things well, and that truly most of us MAY NOT even be very good at that many of them.
What I am sure of is that there are a few things on this list that you will say,
“YES, I DO THAT… I DO THAT WELL AT LEAST! And, I feel good pretty good about my Mothering when I do that thing or that thing.”
And then, I am also certain that each of us read that list and say,
“But hell yes do I feel inadequate with so many of these topics, and shit, I haven’t even started or even considered some of these things on the list”
and we will instantly, you are probably already feeling it within your cells….You may already be feeling guilty about what you are NOT doing.
I’m here to relieve that guilt, at least for the duration of however long this blog post resonates with you.
I’m here to relieve that guilt by comforting you with these words:
- We were not meant to do this alone.
- We were meant to do this together
- We ARE meant to do this together
- We are meant to share this list.
I am meant to share my strengths with my kid(s) and your kids, and you are meant to share your strengths with your kids and your community’s kids…
We are meant to be mothering as a group:
Where each of us mother the children together, doing our strengths, and subsequently filling in each others’ gaps.
We’re supposed to be a puzzle of mothers completing the picture of what children need from their community as they grow.
We are all right now a puzzle of one, trying to be the whole picture to our individual children.
I’m not sure how to start changing this, but I do know that the best place to start for your kids, is to start with you, beautiful Mother, that you are doing more than we are meant to do.
And so, be easy with yourself.
We aren’t supposed to be doing it alone.
We are supposed to doing this together, covering this list as a team of mothers.
And our children are supposed to be getting their needs met by a community of mothers.
So, be easy with yourself.
Ps: let us not forget that many of us are also working mothers, in traditional or non traditional ways. (a blog post for another day)
Come back here as needed when you need reminding of you’re doing so much already, and
“Give yourself credit for the things you DO!” A mantra that came to me in a Reiki session many moons ago!
You are better than you think, doing more than you know,
Give yourself credit for the things you do.